When I was younger (waaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyy younger) my dad used to try to get me to tell on my big sister. At first I used to sing like a canary which would almost always be followed by me getting a beating. Then when I got hip to the game and kept mum I would almost always get a beating. It was then that I understood what “you can’t win” meant. I never really understood what the hell my dad’s problem was and what was his reasoning for confusing the crap out of me. Until I became a parent!
I now know why my dad was so bipolar when it came to the subject of “not telling” because I’m at that stage in parenting and I don’t know how to not be bipolar when “telling” comes into play. The duality of the situation is I want Cakes to be all telling when it comes to communicating with me and her dad. I want her to remain comfortable enough to tell us any and everything and for her to know that we are her vaults but I also don’t want to raise her to be a blabber mouth, a secret teller or a tattletale. Know what I mean? No? Let me break my dilemma down for ya.
A couple weekends ago Cakes had a sleepover with her 2 sister/cousins. I was in another room making breakfast and Cakes came to tell me that the 2 others were fighting. My automatic response was “stop telling” even though I was super grateful for the intel. Like how I not so subliminally snuck the “stop snitching clause” in there!? This would classify as a time that I want her to be forthcoming with me because had she not, I probably would have never known that a fight ensued until someone came out the room crying. On the flip side, earlier this week I was told that Cakes told on her classmate to his mother. I tried to explain to her, well first off let me preface this “talk” I’m about to have with her by saying I hate when she makes me put on my adult hat and I have to be the adultier adult in the room, if only she knew I was living a lie. Ok so where was I? Oh so I tried to explain to her that it’s okay when she’s talking to mommy (that’s me) and daddy, but it’s not nice that she told on her classmate because maybe he wanted to tell his mommy first. Would she like it if someone told on her to her mommy and daddy before she got a chance to. That’s it! I kept it simple she’s 3 for goodness sake.
I’m gonna go ahead and say that this talk was highly effective because 1) Cakes started crying even though I was talking in my super calm I’m not mad at you voice (the crying let me know she kinda sorta understood the severity of what I was saying) and 2) my mom was present while said talk happened and when I was done I caught her looking at me all lovingly-like giving me the “wow I’m impressed” “you’re a good mommy” “go me for raising her” looks.
When she gets older I guess I’m going to have to go into a little more detail, I’m super excited about those impending convos .
But for now I’ll let her enjoy being a kid!