Kids get on my nerves. Whoa whoa come back. Not in the way that you’re thinking. In the way that they force you to have serious grown up convos when all you really wanna do is laugh. Also, because they think they are just soooooooo damn smart.
A little while ago, I’m minding my business trying to binge catch up on Game of Thrones…
from season 4 don’t judge me, in prances Cakes to tell me she’s ready to take a bath. I immediately notice she has on a different pair of undies from last I saw her 15 minutes ago, this usually means 1 thing and that sparks said serious grown up convo:
Me: Why did you change your undies? Did you have an accident?
Cakes: nods head
Me: sigh of disappointment
Cakes: But not in my bed (as if that makes it ok).
Me: *going into a mental frenzy wondering all the other horrible places she could have had this accident if not in the bed (on her couch, ON MY COUCH!, on the floor while playing with her toys which are now sitting in a puddle of “accident” that was really fun to clean up last time ugh)* I digress. Where Cakes?
Cakes: Um just in my undies.
Me: *sigh of relief* why didn’t you go to the bathroom?
Cakes: I did but, but I forgot to wipe myself so my undies got wet.
Me: Why didn’t you wipe yourself? Didn’t I tell you to wipe yourself?
Me: So why didn’t you.
Have you ever noticed that when having one of these serious talks with a kid or chastizing a child they suddenly become super focused on something in the hopes that you’ll become super focused on the same thing and totally forget the “they’re in trouble” part? Well it was at this point in the convo that Cakes starts scratching her back and twisting and turning and lifting and lowering her shirt. I sat in amusement for about a good 3 minutes trying not to laugh at the thought that she totally thought she was getting away with something. I even appeased her a bit with concern and scratched her ever itching back with the caring mommy soothing voice. And just when she stopped “itching” and thought she was off the hook. BOOM. Back at it again with the convo. I guess she figured she had no wins and that’s when she went in for the kill and tried to hug me. I’m usually a sucka for a hug but not now, I had a point to prove which was you can’t bamboozle me kid, I know all the tricks. Which made me remember when my parents used to tell me “you can’t bullshit a bullshitter” and then I realized whoa I sound like my parents, this is getting too deep so I gave her the narrowed eyed, pluck finger formation and let her off with a warning of “don’t do it again” and let her go play. Once she was gone I laughed my head off. This kid.