So Cakes is 4 now and I have far exceeded the limit on the amount of time allotted to use “I just had a baby” as my excuse for carrying these extra pounds, shit I’ve even gotten extensions on the excuse. My problem isn’t being lazy and not going to the gym it’s that me and consistency just don’t get along. Me and consistency at the gym are like Jets vs Sharks, Bloods vs Crips, Democrats vs Republicans we ain’t friends, we ain’t nothing. Also too I’m an instant gratification kinda gal so if I don’t see a six pack within 2 weeks I’m ready to throw in the towel. “Fuck this shit” is my usual phrase of choice when I’m just done. And then don’t get me started on my gym hair. I’m not complaining about my gym hair in the vain way that you think, it’s more so I sweat like a pig in a sweatsuit under 5 blanket, mostly FROM MY HEAD! Arghhhhh! So the time it takes to untangle and dry my hair is unreal not to mention the days I just don’t feel like addressing my hair and it stays wet for days. It’s just frustrating.
I was living in my oblivious rotund bliss until as innocently and as honest as children can be Cakes started fat shaming me. Yes I’m saying fat shaming because it’s dramatic and sounds really profound right? Of course I know there is no malice behind it, it’s just one of those from the mouths of babes kind of honesty.
So a couple of weeks ago while getting dressed for school I walked past Cakes room and overheard her talking to Mr. Grumps saying look I have a belly like mommy. When I peeked in she was poking her lil flat 4 pack belly out as far as she could. Am I’m pregnant? Nope so you know what that means. Then just last week as we are leaving the house she randomly comes to me and points at my stomach and stays “baby coming”. Let’s just say Mr. Grumps had to hold me back because I will fight a kid! Even my own! Anybody can get these hands! They don’t discriminate! I’m not THAT mature!
So I went and purchased a Fitbit (which I am now totally obsessed with. AGAIN) and decided to just do it! Pun totally intended. I try to remind myself everyday when I wanna quit that it isn’t a sprint it’s a marathon and getting out to do anything is better than doing nothing and complaining. So now because I’m obsessed with getting my steps on my Fitbit (how many people do you hear say that these days lol) I find myself getting up from my desk more often to run up and down a couple steps. Taking long walks at lunch instead of ordering in. And more importantly making time to get to the gym when I tell myself I am. And I’ve noticed this past week that in addition to patting myself on the back for getting it done. I’m also releasing some stress and anxiety that I carry around from day to day that makes me wanna rip people’s head’s off and kick it down the street….I’ll work on my anger management next after I lose weight, one thing at a time people. 😂. I realize now that it all goes back to taking care and making time for myself because I’m no good to anyone else if I can’t be good to me first.
So here’s to making a truce with my arch nemesis gym consistency and putting a stop to the fat shaming and to taking better care. I would love some friends on the journey so if you’ve been feeling like me and want to get started let’s do this thang! Getting out there and moving is like 1/3, accountability is 1/3 and having support makes it a whole pie. Mmmmm pie (just kidding).
Have you started your journey? What helps you stay focused and consistent? What’s on your workout playlist? What helps you get in the zone? I’ve got questions!
A little over a week ago I was going through my camera roll on my phone and noticed that Cakes had taken pictures. Some pictures were of me, a couple of my butt when I was bending over to get something from the fridge, a few of Mr.Grumps, being grumpy and then there was one picture of some woman that I didn’t recognize right away. As I stared at the picture with my eyes narrowed trying to figure out who it was I realized, the woman was ME! I didn’t even recognize my own physical self. I had no idea that I looked like that. How long have I looked this way? Is that what people see when they see me? These were all the thoughts clouding my brain as I dramatically spiraled out of control. I’m talking full on dramatics here. Sliding off the couch onto the floor then crying in my hands as I sat criss cross apple sauce. I then realized that life was happening to me and I was too busy taking care of everything else to even notice.
I can’t quite tell you when my sneaker to shoe ratio got out of wack and just turned into my sneaker collection. As I do not know how my wardrobe has become overrun with “stretchy things” and not the body con dress type stretchy things. Or when my fun colored lippies turned into chapstick and go. Or how the bags I carried on my arms relocated to under my eyes. Who knows when all the gray hairs voted my brown hairs off the island and took residence front and center on my head. By the way the browns are straight punks they didn’t even put up a damn fight. Or when my bi-weekly wash and sets turned into f*ck it dirty bun liiiiiife, I have no idea when or how I gained all this weight, hell I don’t even know when’s the last time I took a good look in a mirror to even notice. It was like I got bitchslapped followed by a cup of ice cold water thrown in my face. I’M AWAKE!
In my head pops all these cliches and memes and inspirational quotes that I come across and mmmhmmm (like I be knowing when obviously I had no clue)
(yeah you’ve seen these too) the cup and the pouring one got to me the most.
I moped about it for
a couple days more like a week and then I just decided I have to just do it. As automatic and effortlessly as I take care of Cakes and home and work and everything else, is as automatic and effortless as it should be for me to take care of me. Hell nobody else is going to, that’s evident. Shit nobody even told me, wait maybe 2 different people giving me 2 different gift cards to 2 different spas was my cue that I totally missed. Oh my goodness did I really miss that? Welp, that just went clear over my head now didn’t it! It appears I really was asleep. I know this sounds easy enough and you’re probably reading this like I’m crazy but this is really hard. You get into a routine in life, it works and you kinda just go with flow. The thing is that seeing that picture was like a wake up call that hey it isn’t really working time to try something else. Now is the hard and uncomfortable part which is I literally have to demand from myself time for myself. I think I may have to try the Being Mary Jane method for awhile and write things on post its and put them around the house as a reminder to remember me until remembering me is a habit. Aren’t I just as important as the people and things that I think are important. Hell yeah! So now it’s time to act accordingly. How fitting is it that it’s a couple of days before my birthday and I get to put into practice and get to work so that my 30 somethingth year can be better to me than my 30 somethingth year.
Have you ever experienced a time when you lost sight of yourself? Or forgot to take care of yourself or put yourself on the shelf? And what did you do to get back?